Update

We are preparing to head back to Ukraine on the 28th of April and as our time in the US ends we want to bring you all up to date. 

Danny's health has been improving over the last month and we are very thankful for that.  He saw two doctors on the Central Coast and had a bunch more tests done and one of the doctors looked at the test results and said there was nothing out of the ordinary in those results and the other doctor said that one test could show signs of adrenal fatigue.  Since there was nothing else to do we started treating adrenal fatigue and within a few weeks Danny's pain levels went down and his energy levels started to increase.  (wikipedia has information on adrenal fatigue here and it is basically what often is called burn out)  The headaches still come and the fatigue isn't gone but overall there is less pain and less fatigue and for that we are very thankful.  

Our time in the US has been just what we needed.  We were able to spend a lot of time with Liese's family and be a support to them as they were a support to us.  Our friends in NorCal were very encouraging and a huge blessing.  Our time on the Central Coast has been very relaxing and refreshing for us.   Danny's aunt and uncle in Mexico flew us down to visit them and we had a really encouraging time talking with them about life, ministry, missions, and hardships.  We've been able to spend a lot of time with our nieces (both in NorCal and SoCal) which is something we miss, being so far away from them as they grow up.  Time with friends in the SLO area has been great and we are very thankful for all the friends we have.

As we return to Ukraine we will need to reassess various aspects of our lives and ministries that lead to adrenal fatigue and make some adjustments as Danny continues to recover.  It may be a slow road to recovery but things are looking up and we know God has a purpose in all this and is teaching us about ourselves and our relationship with Him.  We are looking forward to getting back home and back to our friends and church in Kaharlyk.

Some photos of what we've been up to

Going on adventures with our niece

Sitting on pyramids in Mexico

Visiting Danny's uncle's church in Cuernavaca and speaking about the gospel and hardships. 

Having way too much fun with these two

Attending CalvarySLO's easter service and sharing about the Bibles for Orphans Project

Enjoying California

Surfing on the weekends

Medical news

It's been a while since we've written anything and mostly because there hasn't been anything much to write about. But last week I saw two doctors, got the results back of a bunch of tests I had done and now I have something to go with.

So between the opinions of the two doctors I saw, I have something between Central Pain Processing Disorder and Adrenal Fatigue.  Central Pain Processing Disorder is the "we've crossed everything else off the list" kind of diagnosis.  Adrenal fatigue comes from my low cortisol readings on an adrenal stress test.  The cortisol readings are just on the edge of being normal, but they are still very low for someone my age and so we are treating adrenal fatigue.  Adrenal fatigue is treatable and I should recover from it in the next few months with the right treatment.  If my cortisol levels go up to normal and I still feel bad all the time then the central pain processing disorder is more likely.

The good news is that for the last three weeks I've had more energy and felt better than I have in a year. The headaches for the most part have gone from being 5 out of 10 on the pain scale to 2 out of 10.  Energy levels have gone up as well, but my stamina hasn't so I still get tired quickly if I'm active.  Because of how I've felt these last few weeks I'm optimistic about treatment and that I'll get back to some sort of normalcy soon.

Introducing: East to Nest

East to Nest is Liese's new Etsy shop!  

While we are here in the States Liese decided to make some nesting doll quilts to sell.  

She's got a couple online, have a look at them (here), they are pretty awesome, and give her shop a like, pinterest pin, facebook share, tweet, or whatever the kids are doing these days.

January

January has just flow by.  I thought we were supposed to be resting and recovering but somehow we are still busy.  But it is a good kind of busy and a low stress kind of busy.

At the beginning of the the month we drove up to Yachats, Oregon where my aunt and uncle live.  They run a vacation rental service called Sea-Nik Vacation Rentals (check them out if you are looking for a place to stay on the Oregon Coast, their houses are awesome) and they generously offered to let us stay in a couple of the places they manage.  That section of the Oregon coast is beautiful, pretty much the Big Sur of Oregon.  While there we got to see some friends and family that came from all over Oregon and I really enjoyed catching up with my aunt and uncle whom I haven't seen in more than 10 years.  

When we got back to Yuba City I went again to the neurologist and talked about my meds and how my pain levels are.  He is treating my headaches like low-level migraines and working on managing the pain and possibly preventing them.  The medication he has me on is working more and more as instead of feeling exhausted and in pain every day I have a few hours of fatigue, and a little pain now and then throughout the afternoon.  Resting and getting on a good sleep cycle is helping a lot but the the underlying issue is still there and my stamina levels have not improved.  I am happy to not be in pain all the time though.  

Right now we are in Goodyear, AZ at my sister's.  We came out to help out as she had some out of town work so we stayed with our niece while my brother-in-law was at work.   So far we've had to endure the first 5 consecutive days of rain in 8 years, 55° temperatures, and watching The Lorax several times.  So, yeah it's been a pretty good trip.  

Sermon notes online

About a month ago a friend suggested that I start putting my sermon notes up online as a way for people to stay in the loop with what is going on in Kaharlyk, get to know our church, and know what we are studying.  Since I write my sermons out in English the notes are pretty much exactly what I preach, which makes it easy to share them.  

So if you are interested click over to dannyfootenotes.com and have a look.  

I've put up all the sermons I preached in 2012 and most of 2011. 

In the spirit of full disclosure I have to admit that Cara Denney has told me for years that I should have a blog called "Foote Notes", so she is to blame thank for the title. 

Onward and upward

New Year's Day is always accompanied by almost everyone everywhere looking back at last year and looking ahead at next and hoping, wishing, proclaiming, exclaiming, and/or stating that next year will be great/better/awesome.

2012 was a rough year for me.  Ok, it was the hardest year of my life.  So I want to look ahead at 2013 and hope that it is better, want it to be better, want it to not be difficult.  Yet as I think and hope I'm stopped by the thought that I'm not in control of my life.  I didn't choose the events of 2012 and I don't get to choose what happens in 2013.  In 2012 I was an adopted child of the King of Kings and in 2013 that is who I will be.  In 2012 I was a redeemed sinner in desperate need of God's grace and nothing has changed on that front.  I belong to God, I have been bought with a price, and what He chooses for my life is not for me to decide.  

I would not have chosen to have daily headaches for a year straight.  I would not have chosen daily fatigue.  I would not have chosen to lose my first son before he was born.  These were very difficult things that made 2012 a hard year and I'm trying to be thankful for them and yet it is difficult to find something to be thankful for in them.  I'm thankful for the amazing friends we have that showed us love and support.  I'm thankful for God's grace to make it through each day.  I'm thankful for the good news of the gospel that lifted my eyes up to see God's mercy in the midst of pain and uncertainty.  I'm thankful for God's unfailing provision in my life.  I'm thankful for my wife and that our marriage stayed strong.  There is much to be thankful for in 2012 but I'm  still learning, or seeking to make sense of what I'm to be thankful for in the painful things.  

God does not promise that everything will be happy and pain free. He promises to conform me into the image of His son that I may be satisfied by the only thing that truly satisfies.  I often want God to do that by giving me good things, happy things, things that cause my heart to soar, my soul to sing.  I want to see sunsets in which his glory is displayed to all of creation. I want to see lives transformed by his grace. I want to abound and overflow in generosity to others.  I want to see the goodness of God in the land and know that He is good and He is the only thing that matters in life.  I want that to be what happens in 2013 but if God has other plans who am I to say what is best? 

Merry Christmas!

To the Mendocino coast

Our friends at Calvary Chapel Gridley pitched in and surprised us with a week's stay at a cabin on the Mendocino coast.  It was a huge blessing and we are so thankful to have such caring friends.

The weather was typical California coastal weather.  We had rain, fog, wind, sun...sometimes in the same day and we enjoyed every minute of it.  The days it rained we just relaxed in our cabin and when it was sunny we walked on the beach and through the redwoods.

Doctors, headaches, and a way forward

Yesterday I had an appointment with a neurologist. After examining me and talking about my symptoms in depth it seems that from a neurological standpoint there is nothing wrong that is causing headaches.  The doctor said the headaches just seem to be chronic low level headaches and the best course is to try to find something that will work as a preventative.  Right now finding something that can prevent them and or take them away is just as big of a goal as finding out the cause of the headaches/fatigue.  So I'm trying a low dose of a medication that has been found to help with migraines and pain associated with nerves.  It should take a while to build up in my system so after a month I'll go see the doctor again and we'll go from there.  

In the mean time we are just resting, spending time with family and catching up with friends in the area.  Also, enjoying 70° days.  California is an amazing place.

our plans for the near future

For the last year I have been getting headaches pretty much every day and they are accompanied by fatigue.  When we were in the USA in January I had a bunch of tests done as well as an MRI to try to figure out their cause but everything showed that my body was fine.  A few months ago I began talking with my co-pastor Wayne about my ability to minister because due to my constant pain I have had to take large steps back from most areas of ministry.  We decided that it would be best if I took several months to rest and seek treatment rather than continue in the state I'm in.

So we have made plans to go to the US for 6 months with the main goals being to find treatment and to rest.  We'll start in northern California where I'm scheduled to see a neurologist and then go from there.  At the end of January we'll go to the central coast and spend 3 months there seeking further treatment if necessary.  We'll most likely be speaking at our home churches but so far we haven't made any concrete plans.

It is going to be hard to be gone from our church and our home for such a long time but we trust God that He is leading us and that in order to be able to continue to live in Ukraine we need to find some sort of treatment for this constant pain.

We'll try to keep this blog updated with progress and anything we find out.

Orphan Sunday 2012

This coming Sunday churches around the world will be having a special service to raise awareness, pray for and advocate for orphans.  In Ukraine on November 11 many churches will be having a special prayer event as well to pray for orphans.  I will be teaching in our church this week about how we can pray for orphans and encouraging our church toward greater involvement in ministering to orphans. 

In Ukraine there are about 30,000 children in the state orphanage system, most of them are over 6 years old and many of them have special needs.  There are an additional 250,000 children in Ukraine who have suffered from violence or exploitation and are in danger of ending up on on the street or in the orphanage system.  

click to view full size

There are more than 30,000 Christian churches in Ukraine and with a ratio of 1 church to 1 child in the orphanage system there is a real potential for the churches in Ukraine to be able to radically change the way orphans are taken care of.  But first the Christians of Ukraine need to have their eyes opened to the truth about God's heart toward orphans and His heart of adoption.  The vision of the organization Ukraine Without Orphans is to see Christians in Ukraine mobilized to adopt or take in as foster children all of the orphans in Ukraine.

You can join with us in this cause.  

• Join with us this weekend and pray for the orphans in Ukraine that God would place these children in loving homes and that Christians would open their homes in love and thankfulness for God's gift of adoption.  
• Help us give bibles to all the orphans in Ukraine: In Lumine Media is partnering with Ukraine Without Orphans to publish The Jesus Storybook Bible in Ukrainian and distribute it to all the orphans in Ukraine by Easter 2013 (more info here).  With the help of Orphan Care Resources we are raising awareness on Orphan Sunday, 2012 for the orphans in Ukraine and asking individuals and churches to help us raise funds to give these bibles to children in orphanages throughout Ukraine.  Visit the Orphan Care Resources page for more information and promotional materials.

A new well

It seems like all we've been doing the last few weeks is dealing with our well but at last we have water.   A crew of guys came and dug 14.5 meters down and installed 16 concrete rings into the hole.  But 16 rings don't go down 14.5 meters, they go down 11 meters.  Something is holding them up and keeping them from settling into place as they should.  Most likely it is the saturated clay soil at the water table that has expanded and is holding them.  

We waited a few days and nothing happened and so I decided that since there was no forecast of frost in the next week I'd just install the pump and lay the pipes above ground so if the rings settled they wouldn't pull the pipe down. I hooked everything up, it worked and now we have water again!

If the rings settle how they should we'll have plenty of water in our well and even if they don't settle, we still have plenty of water.  I talked with the well guys and they are going to come by sometime this week and install a few more rings just to have them in place in case everything settles into place.  Then I'll figure out a way to install the pipes and pump so that if they drop a meter or two it won't rip any pipes out and they won't freeze if nothing changes over the winter. 

...then our well went dry

A week ago our well stopped filling up with water.  When we moved into our house there was nearly 3 feet of water (less than 150 gallons) which was barely enough but it filled up really quickly and if we used too much in a couple hours it was full again.  Our neighbors have closer to 15 feet of water in their wells as theirs are about 15 feet deeper than ours.  So when ours stopped filling up I measured the water level and found out that there was less than a foot of water in ours.  Not enough for our pump to kick on.  The water table in our area has been dropping because of below average precipitation for 4 years straight and now it seems to have caught up to our well.  I'll give Al Gore some credit, this is a very inconvenient truth.  

At the last place we lived the water was constantly going out for several days at a time so we are kind of used to the whole process of living without running water.  It isn't as fun as it sounds, but it also isn't as bad as it sounds either, just a lot of work.  

All week I explored our options (pretty much asking everyone I knew if they knew a well digger or how much they payed for their well) and finally I found out that to dig our well deeper would cost about $500 bucks but the deepest they would be able to dig it would be another 5 or 6 feet.  That would give us barely 300 gallons of water. A bore well that would go down to the next water table at about 240 feet would cost more than $3,000 and we would never have water problems again.  To dig a brand new well down to the level of our neighbors' wells would cost us just $1,000 and that would give us at least 750 gallons of water.  We decided to go with digging a new well as it would give us between 10 and 15 feet of water which would give us a good supply even if the water table continues to drop.   

So hopefully next week they'll start digging out a new well and by the end of the week we hope to have water again.  This is a pretty big expense for us right now and if you would like to help out we could really use the help.  You can give online through our home church here.   

The well guy looking for the best place in our yard to dig.  Did I mention that it was curious that he used welding electrodes to perform this task?

Concrete rings ready to go for our new well. 

How we are doing

We haven't written much since our trip to America mostly because we aren't sure what to write.  We came back to our lives in Ukraine after a 2 week break during which we saw family and a few friends and were very distracted by a wedding and the hoopla of travel.  Coming back was like culture shock except it wasn't culture it was the reality of everything that has happened this year.  In America we felt far away from it all and since most people didn't  ask (or know how to ask) about how we were dealing with the loss and grief we didn't talk about it much.  Now that we are home we are right back in it.  Everything came rushing back and we realized that we never really got to sit down with our family and talk with them about the deeper things.  It wasn't anyone's fault, it either wasn't the time, the place, or else we were tired or they were tired.   We didn't even realize how much we wanted to talk until we were back home.  There is so much we don't realize that we need or want until later.   Now having processed we feel like talking about Milo somehow validates the life, which in turn helps the healing process.

We have been sharing everything about how we are dealing with the process of an anencephaly diagnosis and then miscarriage on our blog and I feel like it has helped us to connect to people and for people to connect to us during this time.  So I'm continuing to write as it helps to process my thoughts as well as in some way connect with people and let them into our lives. 

It is weird to come back to a place and see everyone's lives moving on at the usual hurried rate and realize that we are not moving on.  We are realizing more and more that loss of a child is not something you "get over", it stays with you and changes you.  When people ask how we're doing and there is no other answer than "terrible" they don't know what to do.  It makes going to church difficult because all you want to do is talk with your friends but the only thing you don't want to do is talk with your friends.  You want to sing songs to God but all of the songs make you cry.  The songs that don't make you cry you don't really want to sing.  It is a weird place to be.

On top of that my headaches have continued and with them the uncertainty of what is going on.  The fatigue has been getting a little bit better, or at least I am learning to pace myself and so I'm not getting as tired.  But I also only have about a quarter of the workload that I usually have. Not being able to minister at full capacity makes us wonder what God is doing through this and what we will be able to do long-term.  

All in all I would say we feel empty, tired, and sad. We know that God has a plan in all this and that He will lead us through.  We cling to that as it is all we have to cling to.